We seem to have misplaced our camera charger which is a darn shame because there are some really cute pictures waiting to be uploaded. I can't imagine where it is. So, until we find it I can't entertain or distract anyone with cute pictures of kids. Until then, it's all my thoughts. Well, not all of them. Just the ones I care to share in a public forum.
It's a weird day for me. It's been a weird 10 or so days for me. Today I had to take the kids with me to the doctor for a follow up appointment in which I've been searching for an answer to why there is a CONSTANT swishing sound in my right ear. ALWAYS. If you think it's easy to fall asleep with the sound of blood rushing in your ear...it's not. And, the sound (or I thought it was because of the sound) has affected my hearing. SO, primary care doctor to ENT to audiology, to CAT scan, back to the ENT doc for the diagnosis. He walked in the room and asked if my husband had blond hair and blue eyes. I said "yes, pretty much." He said "I could have guessed. It's like Children of the Corn in here." Interesting assessment of my kids. Never gotten that one before. Then, he said "well, the good news is you don't have any sort of visceral tumor." That's good I told him. And, he said "well, don't get too excited." I have a diagnosis for you and based on your audio gram (crazy sensor hearing tests- I felt like some sort of science experiment) your pretty well along in this disease. It's called Otosclerosis. (click on the word for Wikepedia to explain it).
So, I'm losing my hearing.
Excellent.
He said my right ear (where the swishing is) is pretty much hearing as if someones got their hand sealed over my ear. I could have told him that. He said my left ear isn't great either but nowhere near as bad as my right.
My question as my kids are coloring on the floor: what do we do and how do we make the swishing go away.
His answer: it doesn't go away. When the hearing deteriorates beyond a certain level they can do a surgery which restores most of it but for many patients the swishing never ceases.
So, as I type to the swishing which I suppose is now my permanent companion I am listening to the low drone of Andrew's fan across the hall hoping I can always hear it. I am well aware there were much worse things they could have found as the cause of the swishing and I am willing myself not to wallow in self pity. However, I have allowed myself a couple hours of it. Not even Bob and Jillian could lift my mood tonight. Darn kids went to bed early leaving me alone with a messy house and no one to distract me with funny monkey antics. Mike is flying tonight and when I told him on the phone what the doctor said he said "I feel so bad for all the times I've made fun of you telling you that you must be going deaf." I guess I really was. Hmmm. I'm focusing on the good: it's not a tumor. Most people are able to hear for a long time before they need surgery and hearing aids have come a long way. The doctor said they would do surgery before hearing aids- which I need to ask more questions about but by this time Andrew had decided to explore all the buttons in the room and his patience for coloring was waning.
What now? If it gets worse, louder, or painful or I get vertigo I go back. If not, every 6 months I get a check up and audio gram until I'm totally deaf in my right ear then we do the stapendectomy procedure to fix it. (Again, Wikepedia will explain)
I'm vacillating between being quite annoyed about the swishing and lack of hearing and being overjoyed that I live now in a time this can be fixed and it's not a "deaf" sentence (pun intended). I think I'll focus on the latter while I shower, and maybe tomorrow I'll find the camera charger and won't be tempted to spill so much of me here.
12 comments:
Oh my gosh Brooke, that really sucks (as an understatement I'm sure)! I'm so sorry. I think you deserve at least a couple of hours of self pity as this isn't an easy diagnosis to receive I'm sure. Let yourself feel what you need to feel to work through this. Again, I wish we could take a couple of laps! Big hugs and you're in my prayers.
Oh Brooke...I'm sorry. That's so frustrating and a night flight to boot. Wish we could be there to help. You are, as always, in our prayers. Love you.
Well that subject line really scared me. Even though it's not a tumor I am so sorry you'll have to live with this. I'm sure it will take awhile to adjust. You're in my thoughts!
Okay, so I am just going to say it. That SUCKS! And you have every right to wallow in self pity. And yes, it isn't a tumor, but it is still something. And I think you should be allowed to mourn for a little while. And at least there is some good news. It can be restored (well swishing and all...that has to be frustrating!)
Do you sleep with a noise maker? The reason why I ask, is sometimes I have to. I don't when Trace is gone, but when he's home and can hear the kids, I turn on the noise maker. I have had horrible asthma this pregnancy and have had constant wheezing, it never goes away...which wakes me up all night long. I can't get rid of the sound echoing inside my head, but the noise maker helps to drown it out enough where I can sleep. I don't listen to the birds chirping sounds or anything, just the white noise sound. It seems to help anyway...
Brooke,
I'm so sorry. I really admire your ability to be positive and look at the bright side of it. I know you said you were wallowing in self pity but your post is positive, which is so hard when you are sad.
You are better than me. I just wrote a post about how a diagnosis I used to have, I don't have anymore and I was upset about that. You have helped me through your example.
Good luck with everything.
Wow, I had no idea. So sorry :-( They'll come up with a cure soon. They have to.
I have a brother-in-law who is deaf in one ear and functions just fine. He's actually in orthopedic surgeon residency. I guess as a child he had a lot of really bad ear infections/surgeries that led to deafness in his ear. Not that is makes it easier. Now you can use the excuse that when your children are naughty and/or loud and they makes messes you really didn't hear it.
Hi Brooke,
Just know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. I'm glad it's not a tumor, sorry about the swishing, but happy to hear that eventually surgery can help. You are an amazing person, once again, thanks for your positive outlook and good example. It's okay to have a pity party with yourself once in awhile. We all understand. Take care, and keep us posted. I love reading your BLOG and seeing the pictures of your sweet family, so get that camera battery up and going again. Love Aunt Jere
You are taking the positive path and that is great! It is good that they have corrective surgery. I will be thinking of you!
Wow, that stinks! Thank goodness it isn't a "deaf sentence" though.
I am amazed by your positivity.:)
I'm so sorry, Brooke. I'll be praying for you - and hoping you can get some good sleep!
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