Not me Monday

Being a single parent has been quite an experience. I knew about the relentlessness of being a mom but this has been quite an experience to say the least. Good thing I'm perfect. I'm sure you'll agree.

I did not start pulling away in the car and hear my three year old say "wait! We don't have our seat belts on." No responsible mother would ever start driving without buckling her children's seat belts.

It is NOT me who has eaten the same exact frozen mean (Healthy Choice turkey and mashed potatoes with apples and cranberries) seven days in a row.

I also did NOT feed this same meal to my children more than one night last week for dinner.

I gave Emma a cold and cough chewable pill and tell her to eat it all and I'd be right back. When I came I certainly did not find BOTH of my children chewing and hear Emma say "I shared my pill with my brother."

I did not lose my wallet for most of the day on Friday and cancel all the cards that were in it only to find it at 11 p.m. in my shower. IN MY SHOWER!


When I thought my wallet was long gone I did not spend $20 of the only $80 I had in the world (until my new debit card arrived) on Chinese food for one.

I did not let Emma count her dill pickle as a vegetable when I asked if she ate any of her fruit or vegetables and she said "yes! I ate my pickle."

I have absolutely not run the dishwasher at least twice a week with only the top rack full. I would never waste that much water and energy on only kid cups and bowls.

When my children were laughing and playing at bedtime, or way past it I did not threaten to take their special things away if they didn't go to sleep. (Silver wand for Emma and silk blanket for Andrew). When I heard them playing a couple minutes later I did not pretend I couldn't hear it so that I wouldn't have to take their special things away.

I decided to just go to a close by WalMart instead of the commissary 13 miles away. I only needed a couple of things and there was no sense in wasting gas (and therefore money) on a trip up there. While I was there shopping I did NOT let each of my children choose some small thing to bring home. ($5 a piece) therefore spending more than I would have if I'd just spent the extra $2.50 on gas. I am not a sucker for little blue eyes saying "can we take this home please." I am much stronger than that.

When whacked really hard by my son with a recorder I did not instinctively slap him away, scream OW! and scare the living daylights out of him. Even in terrible amounts of surprise pain like a recorder bash to the head I am in complete control of all my emotions and reflexes.

I did not agree to watch a 6 week old baby girl every morning Monday through Friday until 11:30 a.m. while her navy mom went back to work. My job is busy enough and I don't need a second one. I would never make a commitment like that. Even for money.

I did not have an absolute fit when I received an email about the cost of some change of command dinner on July 31st. $120 a couple! $120! AND I have to pay a babysitter. Doesn't the navy KNOW how much money we make? How can they charge us $120 for a dinner neither of us REALLY want to go to. I'm unconditionally supportive of my husbands career choice and all the silly social functions it entails. I'm always thrilled to go, drop a weeks worth of grocery money, and get sea sick on a harbor cruise. I'm just that cool.